I wish I never held your hand, I wish I never knew your name, [entries|friends|calendar] where he used to say"i need you" its now "i dont." [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[02 Feb 2005|03:48pm] um new journal, thats right. so if you love me youll find it. 9 | watch me fall apart for him.

[02 Feb 2005|03:12pm] i wish i had the guts, but you give me the courage i need. watch me fall apart for him.

[02 Feb 2005|06:28am] i hate you. 2 | watch me fall apart for him.

[01 Feb 2005|07:07pm] well yea,um what can i say? what should i say? um nothing really exciting has happened, you know just the normal. the same old shit haha its funny to think i thought one day everything would change. hmm. tell me something to get my mind off of it, to erase my memory, to erase my pain. whats so special about him? what sets him apart from everyone else? what makes me cling to him? why does he make me cry? and most of all why cant i walk away? i need to, but i just cant. i cant keep crying everynight over what i know could be and what i know we are msising out on. i love how you rub it in my face, shove it down my throat and laugh in my face. there are so many things i could say back but wouldnt dare, because you dont deserve to hear my regrets. i would rather live with the pain then you. please odnt be scared, open your eyes, and look. pick up the phone and call. but its all the same, our lives written out, we are just actors. i dont know what you are going to say, because your pretending. your false, your fake. everything you say you've said before. every action you've made you've done it before. i let myself shattered. i let myself die. help me to be strong, help me to live. i cant stand to look you in the eyes. i cant stand to be so close to you because it kills me. please talk to me, show you care just a little. and i thought it was hard the first time. how could one person, one single person effect me so much? how??? i dont get it, why? one person.. my world revolves around that one person and i thought this was supposed to be a good thing? love? wheres the joy in this? its only getting worse.. i love you and i am afriad i will never stop, i'm afraid i mean nothing to you. i cant stop. i need you, i need you here like you've always been. i need things to go back to the way they were, to the way they used to be. the days when the smiles were neevr ending, the days where we could make love all day then hold eachother all night. i need you now mroe than i ever did and i just cant.. 6 | watch me fall apart for him.

[01 Feb 2005|07:03pm] Can't do anything right Try to replace me, still see the face of me All the things that I have tried I try to make you, see my love front of you Makes me question my own life My own life The loss that you gave me Isn't rational for me to see Resistance is futile, I stand here alone And all the ways that I have tried Try and replace me, still see the face of me I'm constantly by your side, by your side Love will kill all Everything rise and fall, you say what you mean Resisting my love, I show you all you cannot see You say everything fails in time Love will kill all All my caring dies in vain Try and replace me, still see the face of me Hold my hand when you're in pain I try to make you, see my love front of you Your changing, rips my life away, my life away The loss that you gave me Isn't rational for me to see Resistance is futile, I stand here alone I'm sorry you're guilty, you've made me borderline Crazy you make me and oh are you satisfied? watch me fall apart for him.

[01 Feb 2005|06:10pm] Nothing was supposed to hurt like this. missing you was always one more kiss. now there's nothing that i can do. one more nail in the coffin, and it's all for you. always were and always were a simple love story. you were everything i ever hoped and dreamed. drown me in a pool of my blood. it's getting harder just to breathe. i'll suffocate you faster just so you can't see, so you can't see me sleep. it's getting harder just to say the right things. i've seen the angel's face, and i've heard her sing to me. from my reflection on this razor blade, i've heard ten thousand dying screams, and they're calling me. the day will break on this saddest day, so don't let me wake. i've heard this all before, and i've seen this over and over again. don't let me wake. drown me in a pool of my blood. it's getting harder just to breathe. i'll suffocate you faster just so you can't see, so you can't see me sleep. so you can't see me sleep. the day will break on this saddest day, so don't let me wake. i've heard this all before, and i've seen this over and over again. don't let me wake. nothing was supposed to hurt like this. and missing you, was always one more kiss. and now there's nothing that i can do. there's just one more nail in the coffin. there's just one more nail, and it's all for you. i've seen the angel's face, and i've heard her sing to me. from my reflection on this razor blade, i've heard ten thousand dying screams, and they're calling me. the day will break on this saddest day, so don't let me wake. i've heard this all before, and i've seen this over and over again. don't let me wake. 2 | watch me fall apart for him.

[01 Feb 2005|02:19pm] I remember when I'd run to you Through fields of white flowers Your embrace was my air How I needed you there All of the world and all of its powers Couldn't keep your love from me cause I need you like the dragonfly's wings need the wind Like the orphan needs home once again Like heaven needs more to come in I need you here like you've always been Then I waved goodbye to you From fields of white flowers You were so proud of me I was too proud to see That all of the world and all of it's powers Coudln't keep your love from me... I need you like the dragonfly's wings need the wind Like the orphan needs home once again Like heaven needs more to come in I need you here like you've always been Taking for granted all of his smiles that got away Now I'm looking up at you From fields of white flowers You were so proud of me I'm so proud of you All of the world and all of its powers Couldn't keep your love from me 11 | watch me fall apart for him.

[01 Feb 2005|06:11am] do you regret your loneliness? 1 | watch me fall apart for him.

[31 Jan 2005|01:51pm] one week.. watch me fall apart for him.

[30 Jan 2005|07:37pm]   ( you know you wanna ) 16 | watch me fall apart for him.

[29 Jan 2005|08:02pm] i love holding him. i love kissing him. i love making love to him. i love being with him. i love him. 10 | watch me fall apart for him.

[29 Jan 2005|03:17pm] stay close, we're gonna make it. 2 | watch me fall apart for him.

[29 Jan 2005|07:58am] i hate seeing my mom cry, my sister got drunk last night and crashed her rentle car. and it was on my parnets credit car. so thats great i can tell in about one hour shits going to hit the fan, so anybody want to go thrift store shopping with me? 4 | watch me fall apart for him.

[28 Jan 2005|08:38pm] today was good, except i got grounded for grades. so yea there goes my weekend. i love cheese cake ice cream from starbucks, yes. um yea. i love nicholas and i say it proudly. goodnight. 3 | watch me fall apart for him.

[27 Jan 2005|05:15pm] ok, think about one person, any person. think about one thing that makes you hapy, anything. think about when you laugh, think about when feel like nothing could be better. think about when you feel trust. think about when you know everything will be ok. think about a song that brings back memories, think about cold days, think about endless conversations, who do you think about? i think about chelsea. 2 | watch me fall apart for him.

[27 Jan 2005|02:55pm] i dunno, if your confuzed, maybe i should be too? um well i dont know. i feel like i could scream. the past couple of days have been great. but now i dont know. all i know is tomorrow is a good day? hmm i dont know anymore. friends? yea i dont know anymore either. all i need is lauren chelsea brittny and skye and i am set. cause they are the only ones thats are honest with me and actually care and shit. so whatever. thought they were mutual. those loving words. thought it was more than. just making love 8 | watch me fall apart for him.

[25 Jan 2005|05:38pm] i could give you anything, because you are everything to me. 5 | watch me fall apart for him.

baby is this love for real? [23 Jan 2005|07:26pm] well i am quiting smoking.. i am glad, i got way to deep into it so yeah. thats a plus. oh and one more thing... i love that boy with all of my heart. 4 | watch me fall apart for him.

[20 Jan 2005|05:16pm] My Eyes tear the shade of red I won't ever see you again I guess it's for the best because I never want to see you with her My Ears bleed the shade of red I won't ever hear you again I'll never hear you say that you love her My Nose runs the shade of red I'll never smell your sweet scent again "Happy Days" have all gone by These happy days aren't yours and mine What do you do When all you can do is wake up and die? And what do I do When every single song I hear reminds me of you? Why do I keep doing this to myself I'm asking these questions I'll keep staring and screaming up into the sky Until I find you My Mouth bleeds the shade of red I won't ever taste your lips Those "cotton candy" kisses of death Last but not Least I won't ever touch your skin Just one last touch but you've been contaminated So never again 10 | watch me fall apart for him.

[19 Jan 2005|10:07pm] please just know, ill always love you. but i need you now more than i ever did. 21 | watch me fall apart for him.

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